


Artisan Glory

by Ekko_The_Extraordinaire



Category: Artisan Glory
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekko_The_Extraordinaire/pseuds/Ekko_The_Extraordinaire
Summary: Artisan Glory, a non-binary fiction writer, learns self-love by telling the stories of people they fantasize and dream about all while being consumed with a dating app.





	Artisan Glory

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this to my Bradbury Challenge Fam, and to the characters within this work who existed long before seeing online publication. May we all flourish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artisan Glory, 22 and unemployed, grapples to introduce themselves in a LGBT+ friendly online dating profile. If only it was easier to talk about yourself to strangers.

 

 

* * *

 

I sit on my California King-size bed, the stench of over-sprayed air freshener getting the best of my nose. A sneeze escapes me, and a subconscious  _Fuck you_ directs itself toward my mother. She is downstairs vacuuming as I, once again, attempt to drown out the sounds of her preparing for the  **Most Fake Dinner Party of the Century.**

A fresh, new iPhone 8, the unexpected-yet-totally-expected Christmas gift from my no good Holiday Father, rests in my hand as I scroll through my newest download. These kinds of apps are often straight to the point, but this particular app does not skip the basics and wants to know every last “personal detail” of my life. The screen flashes and the setup is ready. I stare at the screen.

An animated title card flips itself as rainbow sparkles tornado around. A paint brush swooshes underneath the title, and it settles. Music plays, and it sounds like it was composed for a light-hearted video game, not an LGBT-friendly dating app.

An effeminate voice speaks.

>   **WELCOME TO GAYDAR.**   **It's time to create your profile!**

It immediately prompts me to choose something about myself: one of those Somethings that would make a freakishly-fragile-heart skip a gay-beat.

My heart fills with fire and I’m suddenly aware of all the injustices in the world. For a moment, I feel like I am being forced to make a defeating choice. It's like a spotlight threw itself on me and I'm the hero flying through the night sky kicking the asses of all the mean people in the city. Or it's like I'm in a musical nightmare playing the role of 'Scary Bank-teller' who sings about debit or credit as the only transactional options. Or it's like I have to pick between life and death. Translation: picking between **_how everyone else wants me to feel_** and  ** _how I feel_**.

All the thoughts that race in my head make my insides shrivel, sending me back into hiding to a little place I call My Little Gay Closet, where gay sex drawings and activist posters cover the walls, an entire section dedicated to the daily tally marks that prove I'm stuck here and have been for quite some time.

Part of me says to ignore my moral-preliminaries and just do what the fucking app says. However, another part of me wants to stands up for myself, to lead ‘the gang of queers’ back to a promise land full of acceptance, understanding and rainbows!

I ask myself why I'm so offended by this question, and I really can't piece it.

> **Select your gender!**
> 
> **Man** or **Woman.**

It hurts. It just hurts.

Dear Reader, I hope you know that asking someone’s gender is completely acceptable. I personally encourage people to ask, because those in question are more in control of an answer and you’re not given as much opportunity to make assumptions that could otherwise shoot our confidence down. To make someone CHOOSE a gender and only giving TWO options is completely, 100% dick-ish and I won't stand for it.

Suddenly, my eyes take a different focal point, and I see something hopeful. And like a light at the end of the tunnel, two more words reveal themselves to me.

> **More Options**

I've never been more excited.

I click the option with my thumb and my phone flashes. A list of twenty-two options displays itself on the screen, and my entire world changes. I’ve never even seen some of these:

> **Woman, Man, Agender, Androgynous, Bigender, Cis Man, Cis Woman, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, Gender nonconforming, Hijra, Intersex, Non-binary, Other, Pangender, Transfemininie, Transgender, Transmasculine, Transsexual, Trans Man, Trans Woman, Two Spirit. (Pick up to 5)**

Not in a million years did I think I'd see such beauty. Identities!--listed for the pick as if this is middle school dodge-ball. Choosing instantly became less of a problem. The queer representation filled my thoughts with joy and I just know this app has potential. I want to tell someone about it. Maybe no one has heard of it and what if it was just released? What if I'm the first person to use it? What if there's no one else to match with me? I mean, I know how these dating apps work. Swipe right, match with someone and NEVER, EVER MESSAGE THEM BECAUSE YOU'RE A SCARED, LITTLE BITCH WITH HIGH STANDARDS AND LITTLE TRUST IN HUMANITY AND YOU WOULD MUCH RATHER STARE AT PRETTY BOYS INSTEAD OF DATING THEM.

_I'm a freak._

I pick  **Agender, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, Gender nonconforming,**  and **Non-binary**. Funny how my lack of gender is only explained by having the word in nearly every identity I’m comfortable with.

Once, I was Jacob Glory, the baby boy born at St. Francis Medical Center, Colorado Springs, CO on October 16, 1995 at 7:22PM, but today I’m a changed person. I not a man nor am I a woman.

I’m just Artisan, now, and I’m much more comfortable with that.

The app seems to be intuitive. It speaks to me like I’m a person with needs and desires, not like I’m just one of billions.

> **So, what’s your preferred sexual orientation?**
> 
> **Gay,** **Straight, Bisexual, Asexual, Demisexual, Hetero-flexible, Homo-flexible, Lesbian, Pansexual, Queer, Questioning, Sapiosexual. (Select up to 5)**

I pick  **Pansexual**.

> **Hey, gorgeous, can I have your number?**
> 
> **I'm Single, I'm seeing someone, I'm married,** or **I'm in an open relationship.**

I pick  **I'm Single.**

> **What's Your Ethnicity? (Choose any that apply)**
> 
> **Asian, Black, Hispanic / Latin, Indian, Middle Eastern, Native American, Pacific Islander, White, Other.**

I pick  **Black, White,** and **Other.**

> **What your preferred relationship type:**
> 
> **Monogamous**  or  **Non-monogamous.**

I pick  **Monogamous**.

> **Height:**

I input  **6"1'** in the blank space.

> **Body Type:**
> 
> **Rather not say, Thin, Overweight, Average build, Fit, Jacked, A little extra, Curvy, Full figured, Used up.**

I pick **rather not say.**

> **Diet:**
> 
> **Omnivore, Vegetarian, Vegan, Kosher, Halal.**

I pick **omnivore.** That was easy.

> **Do you smoke?**
> 
> **Yes, No, Sometimes.**

I pick **sometimes.** Of course.

> **Drinking:**
> 
> **Often, Socially, Not at all.**

I pick **often.** Definitely.

> **Drugs:**
> 
> **Often, Sometimes, Never**

I pick **never** , but I tried Shrooms once. And molly—hence my choice in claiming never. More like **never again.**

> **Religion:**

I skip this question. Always.

> **Sign:**

I pick **L** **ibra.**

> **Education:**
> 
> **Working on: High school, Two-year College, University, space camp, Post grad.**
> 
> **Dropped out of: High school, Two-year College, University, space camp, Post grad.**

I pick **working on: University.**

> **Offspring:**
> 
> **Has kid(s), Doesn’t have kid(s), Might want kid(s), Wants kid(s), Doesn’t want kid(s)**

I’ve often thought about this, but it still makes me uncomfortable to talk about it. Having a little person that needs more attention than me, needs adult supervision and lots of baths and must be fed on the daily—it’s all too much. I’ll think on it, because those little fuckers are cute, huh?

> **Pets:**
> 
> **Has dog(s)** or **Has cat(s)**

Because one can’t own any other pet? I have several fish, a bird and used to have a snake until it died. But yes, I pick **has dog(s)** , because I have one of those, too.

> **What language(s) do you speak?**

I input **English** , but man!—if I didn’t quit learning Spanish and French when I was 17, maybe my answer would be very different. Perhaps later I’ll take foreign languages classes.

> **Now it's time to edit your Self-Summary!**

 ---

 

**Artisan Glory.**  
**22.**  
**They/Them, He/Him, non-binary.**  
**Wouldn’t pass as female anyways.**  
**Unemployed.**  
**African American and Caucasian, to my knowledge.**  
**Has fairly perfect eyebrows, but poor back posture.**  
**Manipulatively abusive mother.**  
**Absent-father type daddy issues.**  
**Wants love.**

\---

 

I touch  **Save Profile.**

The vacuuming stops. My mother yells for me.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my side of the archive! I’d love to have your feedback. If you liked what you read, leave me some kudos. Those truly do help an inconfident Brutha out.
> 
> Until next time.  
> \- RA


End file.
